2010 LWA Hall of Fame Banquet

Honoring:

Classic Team: Kary Shepko (Kev Shaw and Gary Repko)

Legendary Team: The Flying Shaw Brothers (Kev Shaw and Bill Shaw)

Enshrined #1: Derek Sollosi

Enshrined #2: Kev Shaw

Hosted by: LWA Chairman Andy Waskie

With Special Guests: Shady Woodsmen GM Nick Waskie, new Commissioner Brian “Guzz” Dickerson, and a unique appearance from Derek Sollosi!

When: This Saturday – March 27^th, 2010 at 7pm

Where: The LWA Banquet Hall at Waskland Plateau

Beer situation: BYOB

Food situation: Bring me something

Also: Some key 2009 awards will be given out, poems, and an all new video commemorating the newly enshrined Hall of Famers!

Contact: Awaskie@aol.com for more information

Lastly: Remember Opening Day is April 10!

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Monday, March 08, 2010

Vanishing Snow Reveals Surprises Galore

 

LANGHORNE… With the recent influx of fantastic March weather, the mounds of crisp snow have drastically begun to melt away like a cup of pudding within 10 feet of Nick Waskie. A beautiful sign for sure that Wiffleball is around the corner however also a sign of the dangers of incessant snowfall. As the snow vanished, several surprises were found Sunday afternoon on the field of the Waskland Plateau, none more worrisome than the body of frequent Wiffler - JT.

JT, an excellent pitcher and left-handed batter who just started showing up for games in 2007, last appeared in a league game sometime in 2009. It appears he was playing the Realm and was simply forgotten… for over 5 months. When the snow began to fall, JT must have been covered completely.  

“Mr. JT is doing fine,” LWA Chairman Andy Waskie told AP Wiffleball reporter Saul Gammons. “Nobody realized he was back there but now that he’s finally been unearthed, we can get him the care he needs.”

The body of a Wiffler wasn’t the only thing discovered yesterday. Approximately 45 pounds of dog excrement completely flooded the playing surface, turning its golden clay-like appearance into a horror academy of diarrhea brown and unfathomable odor.

“Dear God,” LWA President Cade Feeney said, “It reminded me of seeing a Medeski, Martin, and Wood concert in South Dakota. Hippies and poop everywhere.”

Coincidence or not, LWA Field Operations Director Jon Redding resigned last night leaving only this note for league officials, “It’s just too much, man.”

Among the other items discovered yesterday afternoon were several missing “scuffed” Wiffleballs, a few old tires, and footprints leading to a map detailing the location of hidden treasure.

“ My only concern at the moment is how these Wiffleballs ended up here,” Waskie said.

LWA NOTES: Brian Hauber has added several pounds of muscle for the upcoming season. “I want to hit more homers,” Hauber has said. His career high is 11… Frank Morelli is working on a follow-up to his much beloved series Morelli’s Munchies. He promises the new edition will shock audiences worldwide…  Vince Shipos is a freelance chemist… A sit-down interview with Saul Gammons featuring newly minted LWA Chairman Andy Waskie will appear soon. Topics discusses include league rules, the 2010 Hall of Famers, and the latest baseball card products.

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Saturday, March 06, 2010

LWA Names Brian “Guzz” Dickerson Commissioner; Feeney President

 

LANGHORNE… Newly minted LWA Chairman and Hall of Famer Andy Waskie announced via his pre-press conference that the landscape of the league was changing forever and whatever forces decide to bring the league down will be eradicated like a swarm of winter owls in an avalanche.  Waskie wasted no time in bringing this mantra to fruition as he quickly made some drastic changes to the way the LWA has operated since its inception in 2004.

Former LWA Commissioner Cade Feeney was promoted to President of the Langhorne Wiffleball Association and replacing Feeney will be multi-time MVP candidate Brian “Guzz” Dickerson. When Waskie announced the changes several media members gasped in apparent shock. It’s no secret that Waskie and Dickerson have clashed before, culminating in a fist fight outside Harry Truman High School in 2007 that left several bystanders wounded and 1 cat killed.

“There’s no better individual equipped to tackle the rigorous schedule of LWA Commissioner than Mr. Dickerson.” Waskie read. “He brings more passion to the game of Wiffleball than any biker gang brings to shooting pool.”

Both Feeney and Dickerson will work jointly in pushing through league mandates, formulating ideas and generally encouraging the growth of the league like a young figure skater in South Korea.  Dickerson will immediately assume the daily oversight of league activity and he has already begun working franctically to make 2010 an historic year.

“There will be a champion declared,” Dickerson said.

In meetings this past week, an overall format for play in 2010 has already been constructed. The format promises to gracefully gel the laid-back spirit of competition from early years with the competitive nature of tournaments from more recent times. More on this format will be revealed in the coming days.

As for Feeney, his reign as Commissioner can be viewed as up and down. He reinstated banned player Ryan Tarity… who then never played, he promised a Champion for 6 years straight years… then never crowned one, he invented the current All-Star Game Format… but then never held an All-Star Game.  Needless to say, Feeney is a legend.

“I’m extremely excited to move onto the next phase of my LWA career,” Cade remarked. “I feel that since I now eat pepperoni, there isn’t anything else I can’t do in the world.”

 

LWA NOTES: LWA Chairman Andy Waskie will be sitting down for a question and answer session with longtime Wiffleball reporter Saul Gammons. The transcript from this event will be released soon…  2010 could see the craziest Rookie of the Year class ever… Kev Shaw is thrilled to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. He was spotted shopping for an outfit at Kohl’s for the gala event… LWA Wiffler Tom Lavanga is having twin girls later this summer… Happy Birthday to old school legend Dan Redding

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Friday, March 05, 2010

LWA Banquet Confirmed for March 27, 2010

 

LANGHORNE… Newly minted LWA Chairman Andy Waskie announced today that the 2010 LWA Hall of Fame Banquet will take place Saturday March 27 as had previously been announced. The LWA Hall of Fame will open its doors for the first time to two individuals, Kev Shaw and Derek Sollosi.

“It brings me pure joy to see these two legends of the game get their rightful spotlight on such a grand night,” Waskie commented. “And I love eating baked ziti in the garage.”

The Banquet will begin “promptly” at 7pm and include appearances by such Wiffleball dignitaries as The Shipos Brothers, Gary Repko, Jay Oseredzuk and newly promoted President of the LWA Cade Feeney. Mike Lubieski may or may not show up.

“I’m glad to see these multi-time All-Stars recognized for their hard work,” Feeney told reporters. “And yes the rumors are true… I eat pepperoni now.”

The LWA plans on releasing a schedule of events for the night within the coming weeks. Also announced by Waskie was the honoree for the Hall of Fame Classic Team Name which has honored the unforgettable teams to which the league has relied on since its inception. In 2010 the honor will go toes to – Kary Shepko!  Kary Shepko, the brilliant infusion of Kev Shaw and Gary Repko, teamed together for 1 Game in 1999 and made history with their unique brand of Wiffleball. This brand was most famous for eating pizza on the field and smoking menthol cigarettes between At Bats. They join such luminary squads as Jesus and His Teammate, Spacedick, and Earth, Wind and Suck as forever representing ingenuity and classiness in the game of Wiffleball.

Although Derek Sollosi will most likely be unable to attend the event, ideas are being bandied about among LWA leaders as to how he can be included in the festivities. Ideas include: teleconference, internet video, webcam, and teleportation. An even riskier idea involves robbing a bank and buying several plane tickets for Derek and his family.

The LWA Hall of Fame banquet has occurred every year since 2007 and is a usually meant as a kickstart to the 2010 Wiffleball Season. In conjuction, Waskie also announced that 2010 Opening Day will take place on SATURDAY APRIL 10^th at 12 Noon. For certain more on this day will arrive soon.

“We’re going to try some new ideas this season,” Waskie offered. “Like trying to actually play in a few weekends in a row to start. After that, only Christ knows and even then, I’m not sure he even does.”

 

LWA NOTES: An announcement regarding the LWA Government will come out in the next few days… Frank Morelli has been training all off-season for his shot at redemption… For all those betting on the league, the over/under on Games Played for Mike Lubieski has been set at 4. Any takers?... Stay tuned to the website for an important vote to determine what legendary team will be enshrined in the 2010 Hall of Fame… Andrew Laba is still considered a Rookie even though he’s been playing since 2006.

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2010 LWA Hall of Fame

Backroom meetings, intangible evidence, bribery, and a general motive of revenge - yes, folks… it’s time for the 2010 LWA Hall of Fame voting. This year, 16 players from different eras of the game will be nominated for inclusion alongside the legends of the sport. The elected will join a list of true visionaries and incredible athletes who all have had a likeness of themselves etched forever on the Concrete Wall of Greatness… the LWA Hall of Fame.  Here are the nominees:

December 7, 2009

Jim Miller

Bio: Jim Miller earns the right back onto the ballot after having not met the required number of votes for 3 seasons. Jim appeared in 8 Games in his career. He hit 4 Home Runs and had a .333 Average, good for 43^rd All-Time. Cuts a rug like Zoolander on coke. Was a perfect 21-21 in fielding chances. Simply didn’t play enough games to finish in the top 10 in any categories. Played in the only game held on Margin Turn Field (the street outside of the Waskdome) and worked a stifling 2 2/3 scoreless innings in 85 degree heat.  As a pitcher, Jim was 0-2 with a 23.33 ERA. His Career Record was 0-7-1. Jim retired in 2004. He needs at least 4 votes to remain on the ballot after this season.

Plusses: Legendary character, tall, good at sports

Minuses: Played only 8 games, nicknamed “Eggy”

Career Note: Doubled and Homered off LWA Hall of Famer Andy Waskie in a 3-3 tie versus The Team in 1997.

Teams Played For: The Millers, The Cobras, Spit

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “Jim is not only a classy gentleman and a respected adversary, but he’s an underrated performer and should warrant Hall of Fame consideration.”

December 8, 2009

Oz Copello

Bio: Technically this is Ozzie’s first year on the ballot. Hasn’t played since 1997. Appeared in 11 Games and hit an impressive .533. Was not only tough to strike out (1x every 23.25 At Bats), but tough to knock out as evidenced by his professional boxing record 14-2-2. Has been known to slow dance to the famous 80’s ballad Lady in Red. Blasted 10 Home Runs and was a perfect 32-32 in fielding chances. As a pitcher, Oz wowed crowds with a devastating curveball and an ok breaking ball. Finished his career 4-3 with a 6.76 ERA. Reminds many of a young Felipe Lopez.

Plusses: Excellent defensive player, solid pitcher, great cook

Minuses: Hasn’t played in 12 years, poor eyesight

Career Note: Homered twice in a first inning 10-Run Rule victory over The Millers in 1997.  As a member of the Bristol Yankees, went 10-16 in a memorable 15-14 loss to the Annihilation Foundation, slugging 3 HR and 8 RBI.

Teams Played For: Bongaliers, Kidblasters, X X, The Trips, The Rockerfellers, Bristol Yankees

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “The LWA has tried to coerce Mr. Copello to return to the great game he once dominated. Perhaps in the future, he can relive some great memories and strike out Gary Repko.”

December 9, 2009

Frank Morelli

Bio: Second year on the ballot. A legend in the softball world as he has more championship rings than a walrus has ticks. A lovable character in the same vein as Elmo. Frank is quite a slugger. He has 29 Hits in 79 At Bats for a gaudy .367 career average. He has 8 Home Runs and is a perfect 19-19 fielding the plastic. His curveball has been eaten alive at times. Speaking of eating alive, Frank is probably most remembered for his antics in 2007. Appearing defiant, Frank devoured a record 7 hot dogs on Opening Day, openly breaking the rule limiting him to 6. He was promptly fined $2 and paid immediately. Nobody knows where that money is today. Frank also slammed a Walk-Off Homer off fellow Hall of Fame Nominee Phil Shipos during the World Series of Wiffleball in 2004, arguably the most competitive tournament in Wiffleball history. That ball, caught by a fan, was sold at auction for $.75 cents. A noted physical specimen, Frank goes to the gym daily.  Frequents many a wedding where he dances with every grandmom in sight, thus endearing him to single women everywhere. Reminds many of a young Placido Polanco.

Plusses: True sportsman, noted record holder, great poker player

Minuses: Lack of commitment, weight issues, torn ankle ligaments

Career Highlight: Aforementioned Home Run off the vaunted fastball of Phil Shipos in the World Series of Wiffleball in 2007. Breaking the record for most hot dogs eaten in a day, a record which still stands despite much competition. 

Teams Played For: Winter Warlocks, Morrisville Creek Runners, The Crumbs, Unnamed Brown Eye, Lemonheads

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “What can I say about Frank Morelli that already hasn’t been said? This man is a mix between Ryne Sandberg and a mountain lion. Consider him on your ballot.”

December 10, 2009

Jon Redding

Bio: Redding was brought to the league from the slums of Bristol along with The Dutch Flyboy, Johnny Lombo. A young friendship with Nick Waskie bloomed soon thereafter, much like a young Ryan Gosling and Reese Witherspoon. He earns a nomination due to his 5+ years of service to L-Town Wiffleball. His career hasn’t even hit his peak yet. In 70 Games he’s batted .446 with 33 Homers. Has crept into the Top Ten All Time in Games (70 – 7^th), At Bats (397- 10^th), Hits (177- 10^th), Triples (20- 8^th), and Grand Slams (3- 5^th). Has a ridiculous stance ala a drunken Julio Franco. Has been known to follow D-List actresses around nightclubs where he dances like a drunken Chewbacca eating an Italian hoagie. As a pitcher, Jon is 5-21 with a very nice ERA of 7.84. He had a career year in 2007 batting .444 with 17 Homers and 63 RBI, very Mike Cameron-ish numbers. This gutsy warrior came back from a wrist injury to bat left-handed in several late-season playoff games. His average dipped a bit but his warrior mentality will not be forgotten. Former Director of Field Operations, Jon never lived up to the duties it demanded (mowing lawns, scooping poop). Often times talks too much and can be found thieving rolls from various cocktails parties. Pursuing a career in standup comedy and another one in accounting. A 2005 and 2007 All-Star.

Plusses: Great contact hitter, willingness to throw up a lob ball to a hitter, fan of wrestling

Minuses: Committed 8 errors and maybe 10-20 more non-credited, ability to clear a room with his laugh, various beards

Career Note: In 2009 was named to the All-Time All-Star team alongside the greats of the game 

Teams Played For: Bag of Diamonds, LWA All-Time All-Stars, Dagobah Sandtraps, Pure Bristol Hate, Spineless Leafs, Marone, Redding Finally Got His Back Hair Trimmed

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “No other player brings such a swagger to their game than Jon does. A confident warrior whose best days certainly lie ahead.”

 

December 11, 2009

Kevin Lynch

Bio: Kevin hasn’t appeared in a league game since before 2005. Moved to Chicago around that time to pursue career opportunities and eat deep dish pizza. A mainstay of the original L-Town era of Wiffleball, Kev appeared in 20 career Games and hit .513. He had 16 Home Runs and 81 RBI. Impressive numbers for the amount of games played. Kev was 1-6 as a pitcher with 35 K’s and only 2 walks. Dances like a sun-splashed eagle swooping near a canyon peak. Was known as the Ozzie Smith of Wiffleball as he flawlessly handled 72 chances. Also known as “Kev” or “Fuzzy.” Provided a consistent career with many fond memories. Hosted several games at his Millcreek Stadium in the late 90’s. 

Plusses: Played on a memorable squad, The Team; Excellent defender, unforgettable

Minuses: Lack of games played, not having appeared in the new LWA, awkward hairstyles.

Career Note: Returns to the ballot for the first time since 2007.  

Teams Played For: The Team, Sluts, Spit, Fat Alcoholics, Sloppy, Go Ahead, Talcum Wet

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “If any legend from the old L-Town era deserves another look, it’s Kevin. He displayed offensive prowess in such a short time that he must be recognized among the all-time greats.”

 

December 12, 2009

Craig McGovern

Bio: Craig played 4 years with L-Town. Led the league in strikeouts (as a hitter) in 1998 with 60, averaging 1 every 2.6 At Bats. Is 6th All-Time in Strikeouts with 94 in just 235 At Bats. He struck out once every 2.5 At Bats for his career, a number rivaling such ominous figures in baseball like Ivan DeJesus, Steve Jeltz, and Kevin Stocker. Is 16th All-Time in At Bats with 235. Ranks in the top 20 All-Time of several categories including Errors (2nd- 15) and Tree Outs (5^th- 3). A career .213 Hitter (lowest All-Time), he slugged 3 Home Runs total. His batting style has been called a cross between a priest saying mass and a cold breeze blowing. Was 2-6 with an 8.21 ERA as a pitcher. Allowed 191 Hits in 42 Innings. Think about that for a second. His fielders have called him, “The Mistake Over The Plate.” Dance style is unique, like a 3 dollar bill. Many eyes were known to have lit up with the news of Craig being the opposing pitcher. Craig’s career record is 6-18. However, while most people would see these numbers as un-Hall worthy – it’s actually quite the opposite. His commitment to playing and often times being the 4^th player needed to have a game, earned him a trip into the LWA Hall of Fame Executive Wing in 2009. Despite his questionable stats, Craig never wavered in his love of the game or his dedication to its players and fan. Not always a leader by his play, he was an inspiration to many teammates around him. Some say many great feats achieved in the league were possible due to Craig’s undying inspiration and love. Played on several noteworthy teams including Degeneration Wask, St. John’s Devils, Humid and Wet and Scum of the League. Great clubhouse leader. Swing reminded many of nobody in particular. Without Craig’s unwavering support, many games would have never happened from 1997-2000. Was a favorite of many umpires for his carefree nature and willingness to accept a called third strike. Was given coaching instructions more than most children. Craig McGovern retired in 2004 and currently lives far from civilization with his wife Nicole and their kids, Jack and Zoe.

Plusses: Executive Wing Hall of Famer, true love for the game, gentle touch

Minuses: Poor statistics, lack of appearances in LWA era, poor statistics again

Career Note: Craig needs 4 votes to remain on the ballot in 2011.

Teams Played For: Degeneration Wask, Thundercats, Sloppy, Team Craig, The Saviors of the System, Luck, Scum of the League, Humid and Wet

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “For his undying support and inspiring personality, Craig will always appear on my ballot.”

 

December 13, 2009

Chris Schmitt

Bio:  5th Year on the ballot. Chris has tangled amidst the legends of the game and partaken in their peace offerings many times. Appeared in 25 Career Games spanning 12 years. Has 96 Hits in 194 At Bats for a .495 Average. One of the most physically gifted defensive players in the history of the game. He’s successfully fielded 73 out of 75 chances with 3 Great Plays. In a poll conducted in 2006, was voted the 4th best defensive player of all-time behind Andy Waskie, Tom Lavanga and Jay Oseredzuk. Has 1 Grand Slam but strikes out often, once every 5.11 At Bats… very Pat Burrell-esque. Is 10^th All-Time in Slugging % (1.211%). A multi-sport athlete from the ilk of Bo Jackson, Chris’s inclusion into the Hall could be recognition of his entire body of work which features accolades in Hockey, Softball, Bowling, Disc Golf, and Rites. As a pitcher Chris is 3-5 with a 4.82 ERA, a very good ERA mind you (tied for 8^th). He doesn’t possess overly nasty stuff but can trick you with his likeability and crisp demeanor. Chris is one of the Founding Fathers of L-Town Wiffleball having played in the first game ever at the Waskdome. This fact alone warrants consideration as the other 3 Founding Fathers have all been enshrined. His wild mind helped define the original rules of the game. He can be found on various dance floors swaying like a piranha. He’s also played for memorable squads such as Spacedick, Team Work, Bluntsmokers, and Team Mates.  Represented Spacedick as they were enshrined in the Hall of Fame in 2007 under the Classic Team wing. If Chris doesn’t get at least 4 votes he will be removed from the ballot in 2010.

Plusses: Excellent at every facet of the game, embodies the true spirit of the game, Founding Father

Minuses: Lack of Games Played, Doesn’t often bring his own “supply,” Smokes cigarettes

Career Note: Has hit for the Cycle 5 times in 25 Games.

Teams Played For: Demon Seeds, Bluntsmokers, Ocean City Rapids, Spacedick, Team Work, Brain Dead, Too Much of a Good Thing, Team Mates, John and Philip

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “It breaks your heart that Chris doesn’t get enough recognition for what he’s done in this game. He will appear on my ballot.”

 

December 14, 2009

Vince Shipos

Bio: Vince becomes eligible for the Hall of Fame this season after having appeared in 3 seasons. LWA Rookie of the Year Runner-Up in 2007. Was voted onto the 2007 All-Rookie Team and made the Golden Hands Team for excellence on Defense in 2007, 2008 and 2009. Was recognized for his craftiness in the Realm. Dances at parties like a coked-up stripper. Vince has gamed 59 times and batted 266 times. He has 16 Home Runs and 8 Great Plays. Vince’s average comes in low at .331 but one has to realize the difficulties a left-handed batter faces at the Waskland Plateau. On the Pitching side Vince is 5-8 with a 5.18 ERA (9^th All-Time). Also sneaks into the top ten All-Time in WHIP (1.17 - 6^th), Shutouts (2 – 10^th) and 1PK’s (6 – 7^th). In 2008 Vince also tossed a No-Hitter, one of only 10 Players to have done so. Can often be found in the garage.

Plusses: True embodiment of what the game is about, more athletic Shipos, brings herbs

Minuses: Low batting average, difficulty with the stadium’s dimensions, wife sometimes doesn’t let him play

Career Note: Tossed a No Hitter on May 27^th, 2008

Teams Played For: Morrisville Creek Runners, Ass Slappers, Smoked Tee-Ta’s, The Shipskie’s, Chester Copperpot, One Long Ball

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “A rising star in the game, Vince has garnered many accolades to warrant inclusion among the game’s best.”

 

December 15, 2009

Cade Feeney

Bio: The Commissioner of the LWA and Hall of Fame entrant in the service wing of the LWA Hall, Cade Feeney exudes Wiffleball. Cade came out of “retirement” to play in 9 Games in 2005 and continued playing into 2007 (20 games), 2008 (9 Games) and 2009 (7 Games). Overall, he’s played in 74, good for 6^th All-Time. Cade set career highs in Batting Average (.333) and Doubles (9) in 2009. Cade has 106 Hits in 441 At Bats for a .240 Batting Average, 3rd Worst All-Time. He never has had a Game Winning RBI and has committed 16 Errors in 123 chances. Earned the first Great Play of his career in 2009 when the planets aligned and the Red Sea parted. Often found inside slums and soup kitchens, Feeney can be seen clutching the leg of a blood-red swan and pulsating to the cold night air of 70’s R & B. Cade was also one of only 4 players ever suspended for their antics on their field when he proceeded to crucify himself on a tree near the pitcher’s mound of the old Waskdome. As a pitcher, Cade has had his woes. He was 3-13 with a 10.21 ERA. He’s allowed 51 Homers in 72 Innings. He simply refuses to pitch anymore. He’s played on some memorable teams like Earth Wind and Suck, Team Thong, Spacedick III, Luck, Assholes and Team Len. Cade un-retired from league play in 2004 after the pressures of failure got to him. Can often be found begging for a teammate. Was voted LWA Entertainer of the Year in 2007, a prestigious award reserved for the most electrifying of personalities.  In all seriousness, there is no individual who greater personifies what the LWA is all about than Cade. He’s always trying to make the league successful at the expense of his own personal demons and can always be counted on to play a game, prep the field, or bake the brownies. If stats are all that gets a person into the Hall of Fame, then the voters aren’t bringing justice to the game.

Plusses: Love of the game, member of LWA Government, Popular with the female vote

Minuses: Poor statistics, a general weirdness, awkward body type

Career Note: Cade Feeney ranks in the Top 10 All-Time in many categories including: Games (7^th), At Bats (8^th), Walks, (10^th), Hit By Pitches (3^rd), Strikeouts (3^rd) and Errors (1^st)

Teams Played For: Earth Wind and Suck, Black Pregnant Yaks, Team Suck, Scum of the League, Bacon and Painting, Tats and Ass, Winter Warlocks

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “Case has been a true businessman, a consummate professional, a creative force and a trusted friend of the LWA for many years. I will gladly include him on my ballot.”

 

December 16, 2009

Phil Shipos

Bio: What a young talent! Played several sports in high school and football in college before traveling overseas to play rugby and chess. Excels in his own mind on the poker felt. In regards to the Wiffleball diamond, he’s awesome. Arguably the top pitcher in decades, Phil’s ERA is a cute 3.49, 4th best All Time. He’s also 16-11 on the hill and has lost some close decisions due to a lack of offensive support, which he’ll also tell you about. He’s fanned a remarkable 148 hitters in only 140 Innings. He led the league in 2007 in 1^st pitch K’s and is 2^nd All-Time with 21. Since LWA play moved to the Waskland Plateau, Phil has seriously been devastating on the hill, often times wowing neighbors and dogs. His dance style can be categorized as fluid mayhem mixed with a gentle dose of catastrophe. Offensively, he suffered through a down year in 2005 going 4 for 24, an average of .167. He is extremely efficient at the plate, often frustrating pitchers with his patience. He’s 3^rd All-Time in being Hit By Pitches and 6^th in Walks. Phil has crafted a .576 lifetime batting average which is the 6^th best mark of All-Time. The biggest question is whether Phil has built enough of a resume to warrant inclusion in the Hall of Fame. Many say yes he has. GM of the Dead Squirrels and Morrisville Creek Runners, Phil’s determined to win every time he sets foot on the field. He received a tremendous honor when he was voted CY Young Award Winner in 2007 with 9 First Place votes. A 2-Time Golden Hands Team member for fantastic infield play. Was voted an All-Star starter in 2005 and 2007. 

Plusses: Greatest pitcher of the modern era, stats don’t lie, participated in LWA Government

Minuses: Tremendously cocky to the point of exhaustion, desire to play rugby over Wiffleball, strange laugh

Career Note: Phil is also in the top 10 in Slugging % (1.409 – 2^nd), On Base % (0.665 – 2^nd) and OBPS (2.074 – 2^nd). Only 3 of the most feared hitters in the game have OBPS’s over 2 (The other two are Andy Waskie and Greg Davis).

Teams Played For: Dead Squirrels, Filthy Insurgents, Morrisville Creek Runners, 2 Manly Cocks and a Werewolf, Saddle ‘Em Up, The Shipskie’s

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “After having seen what type of resume Phil has crafted, it’s honestly going to be difficult to keep him off the ballot.”

December 17, 2009

Brian “Guzz” Dickerson

Bio: First year on the ballot for this Undertaker-like phenom. Shot onto the scene in 2007, a near-unanimous LWA Rookie of the Year Winner, with a ridiculous total of 47 Homers (a Rookie record). Has made 3 straight All-Star Teams, 3 straight Golden Hands Teams for defensive excellence, and won 3 straight Yellow Slugger Awards. No other player in the history of the game has put up offensive numbers this absurd since the late 1890’s when “Ole Plastic Foot” Johnny Lee Rogers wowed farm communities and traveling sideshows with his uncanny ability to hit a Wiffleball made from cow skeleton and rat dung. With just 3 years in the league, Brian (known as Guzz for his penchant to swallow Miller Lite without tasting it) already ranks among the Top Ten All-Time in Games (80 – 5^th), At Bats (418 – 10^th), Hits (186 – 10^th), Home Runs (63 – 6^th), Runs Scored (147 – 9^th), RBI (157 – 9^th), Walks (89 – 3^rd), and Slugging % (1.304 – 6^th). Guzz’s HR per At Bat ratio is 1 Home Run for every 6.63 At Bats (8^th best All-Time). Can be found dancing like a sore pony at parties in the Langhorne area. Although Guzz has committed the 5^th most Errors All-Time (8), he has also made some of the most outstanding catches in the history of the Waskland Plateau along with 8 Great Plays. Guzz’s most surprising success comes on the hill. Although he doesn’t have overpowering stuff, he’s Struck Out 113 Batters in 126 Innings. He’s compiled a 13-9 Won-Loss record, one of only 6 players to have a record over .500. Former GM of the Winter Warlocks Franchise, Guzz was suspended for 10 Games in 2007 becoming one of only 4 players to have had that happen. Rumors persist a run at Commissioner could be in Mr. Dickerson’s future. Has hurled a No-Hitter. Some say every record in the game will be owned by Guzz someday. Big fan of Survivor.

Plusses: Impressive resume, memorable moments, multiple Award Winner

Minuses: Clashes with Upper Management, lack of service time, drinks Budweiser

Career Note: Guzz holds the record for most strikeouts in a game with 13. There are only 14 Outs in a 7 Inning Game so this number is very impressive. Career ERA is 4.74 (8^th Best).

Teams Played For: Jesus Eating a Big Fish Sandwich, Winter Warlocks, Corncob Pipes, Dustin’s Tiny Dog, Hug-A-Guzz, Pussy Pie, Snake Dogs, Poisonous Seahorses

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “Guzz provides the most interesting case of this year’s nominees. His statistics are better than  most everyone else nominated but has he put in an enough time… I believe he has.”

December 18, 2009

Bill Shaw

Bio: William “Bill” Shaw comes from an era where the game of Wiffleball was played for fun and not for stats. He was an original member of the Aces of the Year team that took the Wiffleball community by storm almost a decade ago. Bill debuted in 1997 with 2 games played and was an instant sensation appearing alongside his brother Kev. He went 17-22 at the plate for a severely absurd .773 Batting Average. In his career, Bill has stroked 47 (9^th All-Time) Homers in 66 Career Games (also 9^th). Had an outstanding year in 2005 which included being tied for 3^rd in homers (11) and 2^nd in Doubles (13). Career average is .496. He has struck out only 39 Times in 421 At Bats during his career. This impressive feat is among the greatest of all-time (11^th). He rankles opposing pitchers with a fiery spirit and angry demeanor. In 2005 Bill hit a Game Winning Homer in extra innings off Andy Waskie, which netted Waskie his first loss as a pitcher since 1997. Can be seen vacationing in Paris as a front for his espionage business. Bill excels as a pitcher going 16-16 with a 6.78 ERA, shrinking his career ERA from 8.92 in 2006. Bill has played on some notable teams like the Hall of Fame nominated Flying Shaw Brothers, Thundercats, Those Guys and Name Withheld. Courageous in several foreign wars, Bill dances like a gentle sea urchin in a stiff wind. Bill was the first ever GM of the Comet Chasers franchise and played his games admirably with the Angry Silverbacks for several seasons. Has one of the nastiest curveballs in the league. It has been known to buckle the knees of a paralyzed man. One item which sets Bill apart from many Wifflers is his drive and determination when battling injuries. Has fought off foot injuries and feet problems for his entire life which makes his accomplishments that much more impressive. He missed 6 weeks in 2007 with a serious cyst brewing on his lower back, making it painful to sit, let alone swing a Wiffleball bat and smoke cigarettes. Also had testicle surgery in 2008 which kept him out of action for 6 weeks and now he can no longer procreate as a result. Missed the entire 2009 season with Tommy John surgery. Ranks in the top 10 in the following categories: Games 66 (9^th), At Bats 421 (9^th), Hits 209 (8^th), Doubles 70 (9^th), Triples 17 (9^th), Runs Scored 164 (8^th), RBI 168 (7^th), Game-winning RBI 4 (3^rd), Cycles 5 (8^th), and Grand Slams 2 (6^th). For Pitching he ranks in the top 10 All-Time in Games Played 37 (7^th), Games Started 31 (6^th), Wins 16 (5^th), Losses 16 (5^th), K’s 85 (9^th), Complete Games 16 (9^th) and 11^th in 1PK’s (5). One of the few players who simply has built a career on his love for the game… not for individual accomplishment or achievement.

Plusses: Ranks in the top 10 in virtually every category, tremendous heart, difficult out

Minuses: Injury-plagued career, born with his feet backwards, loves Ryan Madson

Career Note: Won the Adam Telifario Courage Award in 2007 and 2008. 2-Time Yellow Slugger Award Winner. Has made 3 All-Star squads.

Teams Played For: The Flying Shaw Brothers, Angry Silverbacks, Ray Rougeau and Matt Hardy, Thundercats, Those Guys, Name Withheld

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “In my mind, Bill is a legend in the game that deserves his rightful place among the game’s elite. Hopefully the voters agree.”

December 19, 2009

Nick Waskie

Bio: Nick is one of only 3 players to have appeared in every season of L-Town/LWA Wiffleball. Was the youngest player to compete in L-Town’s history at the age of 14… much like a young, white Andruw Jones. Noticeably got better as he got older. Also, fatter. Appears in the Top 10 in virtually every single category. Here are some of his impressive rankings – Games (118 – 2^nd), At Bats (712 – 4^th), Hits (310 – 5^th), Doubles (77 – 8^th), Triples (31 – 3^rd), Runs Scored (219 – 5^th) , RBI (253 – 3^rd), Walks (83 – 4^th), Total Bases (846 – 3^rd) and Grand Slams (3 – 3^rd). Is only the 2^nd player to have it over 100 Home Runs with Hall of Famer brother Andy Waskie being the other. Had a nice season in 2005, slugging 11 homers in 43 at bats before having to quit playing due to being gay. If you thought he had a nice season in 2005, his 2007 season makes 2005 look like a midget in a rearview mirror. Blasted 52 bombs and drove in 99 runs. One of only a handful of players to have been suspended for their actions on the field. Some say this could ultimately cost Nick votes for a few years as his temper rivals a young Adam “Pacman” Jones’. Holds one of the most impressive records in Wiffleball history by blasting 12 Bombs in a single day! Has fought off dehabilitating injuries to the veins in his legs in 2008, causing him to miss a significant portion of the season. Also happened in 2009. As a pitcher, Nick’s numbers are mainly skewed by his performance as a youngster. He has a career won-loss record of 14-36 with an ERA of 8.02, greatly improving from previous seasons. In 2007 he led the league in Games Started, Complete Games, Strikeouts and Walks. Was the first ever GM of the Shady Woodsmen, an organization steeped in history and madness. A jolly sort with a penchant for gummy bears, Nick is a budding young star in the game. His dance style is wild, unsmooth, and charismatic. Has appeared with many famous squads including, Tats and Ass, Two Manly Cocks and a Werewolf, Who Cares and Hall of Famers Earth, Wind and Suck. Overall, his playing record is 40-71-1. Fastest rising star in the game, like a young Curtis Granderson without the speed, power, wardrobe, and general leaping ability.

Plusses: Massively impressive offensive numbers, ambassador of the game, solid pitcher

Minuses: Always faces tough opponents, poor behavior can be detrimental to the league sometimes, always thinks people are out to get him, injury-riddled

Career Note: Has been on the receiving end of many fantastic accolades including: multiple Golden Hands and Yellow Slugger Awards, runner up in MVP voting in 2005 and 2007, and also in 2007 was honored with a Career Achievement Award for skills displayed on the field

Teams Played For: Scum of the Earth, Shady Woodsmen, Jedi Knights, Who Cares? Spermicidal Maniacs, Earth, Wind & Suck, Team Sassy, Colossal Connection, Redding Finally Got His Back Hair Trimmed, The Shipskie’s.

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “As impressive a resume as they come, Nick’s true talent hasn’t even been seen with the naked eye yet. Will one day hold every record in the world.”

 

December 20, 2009

Kev Shaw

Bio: Kev Shaw is the backbone of the Langhorne Wiffleball Association. Not even in his prime, Kev has started his career with top notch quality/quantity. He has played in 101 Games, good for 4^th All-Time. In that time he’s clubbed an astonishing 67 Home Runs and knocked in over 246 runners. He’s homered once every 10.67 At Bats, the 14th highest percentage of All-Time. Resides in the All-Time Top Ten in virtually every category including, At Bats (715- 3^rd), Hits (319- 4^th), Doubles (123- 4^th), Triples (26- 5^th), Runs Scored (238- 3rd) and Walks (105- 2^nd). Is a fierce recruiter for league games often bringing a degenerate Croydon-ite with him. Burns up a dance floor with his mesmerizing mix of anaconda grips and cruel looks. His scouting ability should be considered as he’s brought many award winners into the LWA including 2006 Rookie of the Year Greg Davis, 2008 Finalist Den Ritchie, and Golden Hands Award Winner Bobby Teenager. Kev’s pitching numbers have been where he’s done yeoman’s work for a decade. These pitching stats include a 21-22 record (8-4 since 2008) with a 7.15 ERA. Has become a Cy Young Candidate overnight. Is among the Top Ten in such Pitching Stats as Games (59 – 3^rd), Games Started (45 – 4^th), Innings (229 ½ - 4^th), Wins (21 – 4^th), Strikeouts (149 – 5^th), Complete Games (29 – 4^th), and 1PK’s (18 – 4^th). Tossed a No-Hitter as well. He vastly improved his fielding with a re-dedicated effort and flawlessly nabbed 34 chances in 2007 en route to a Golden Hand Award. Hasn’t made an error since 2005. Overall Kev is 47-49-0. He was an original member of the Aces of the Year and has played on some Hall of Fame caliber teams including: The Shaw Brothers, DTA, and TA. Was GM of the Angry Silverbacks and also played for the aforementioned S-Backs. Kev has also worked for the league designing uniforms and logos, which includes designing every single logo and uniform. Will be a Hall of Famer. A 2 time All-Star and a 7 time King of England. After looking over this bio, his resume is extremely impressive.

Plusses: Dominant pitcher, doubles machine, artistic, has influenced the modern game with many fine ideas

Minuses: Has allowed the 2^nd most runs in league history, hasn’t made a Hall of Fame Plaque for Gary Repko, often doesn’t bring enough Burger King for everyone

Career Note: GM of the Year in 2007, Multiple Time Yellow Slugger Winner, multiple time member of the Golden hands Defensive Squad, was named as part of the All-Time Wiffleball Team in balloting this summer

Teams Played For: The Flying Shaw Brothers, Angry Silverbacks, DTA, TA, Kary Shepko, Power & Glory, Daryl Strawberry’s Cocky Batboys, Digger Phelps Society, Just Here for the Beer

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “An undeniable legend in our great game. His name appears at the top of almost every single category you can imagine. Obviously he appears on my ballot.”

 

December 22, 2009

Tom Lavanga

Bio: Tom, in only 36 career Games, has catapulted many Wiff regulars in career totals due to his outstanding play. Tom ranks in the top ten in several offensive categories including: Hits (204- 9^th), Doubles (78- 7^th), Triples (17- 9^th), Home Runs (49 - 8^th), RBI (137- 10^th), Runs Scored (123- 10^th), and Total Bases (469 – 10^th). Tom’s Batting Average sits prominently in 4^th Place of All-Time at .583. He also has a fantastic On Base % (.590 – 6^th), Slugging % (1.340 - 5^th) and OBPS (1.930 – 4^th).  Tom was a member of the touring team the Aces of the Year. Tom also played for several notorious squads including: Ocean City Rapids, All the Rolling Hills All the Happy Trees, Crimelovers, Team Len, and Italia Shire. His dancing style can be summarized by the noted poet Walt Whitman, “The preamble meadows oscillating yonder fire.” Many Wiffleball historians love to guesstimate his numbers if he had appeared in more games and the overwhelming result is that Tom’s numbers would be ridiculous. Returned from a long sabbatical to play one weekend in 2008 and again in 2009. Arguably the greatest Defensive wizard in the history of the league. Was named a member of the All-Time Legend Squad during the 2009 season. Shocked many of the “new guard” with his playing style and ability. Overall record is 18-15-2. As a pitcher Tom wooed audiences, going 6-6 with a 6.82 ERA. An ultimate legend in the folklore of the league. Was named MVP in the only LWA game ever filmed. Was married in a nice ceremony this past year and hopes to return for at least 2 weekends in 2010. Nothing bad is often said of Tom except this… he can be a real dick if you call his house after 10pm.

Plusses: Excellent athlete, consummate teammate, impressive resume

Minuses: Lack of games played, quiet demeanor, loves vampires

Career Note: Has achieved 7 Cycles in his career. 144 of his 204 Hits have been for extra bases. Has struck out only 30 times in 350 At Bats, a highly impressive number.

Teams Played For: The Hessians, Poisonous Seahorses, Italia Shire, All the Rolling Hill All the Happy Trees, Team Craig All-Stars, Aces of the Year, St. John’s Devils, Momdike a/k/a Clinic, The Pony Express, Thundercats, Crimelovers, Treene

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “The walls of the Hall of Fame are bare without the likeness of Tom Lavanga glued to their concrete exterior. One of the greatest players of our generation, hands down.”

 

December 21, 2009

Derek Sollosi

Bio: Key member of history’s most well known teams- The Bottlerockets (elected to the HOF in 2006) and the Aces of the Year. Ranks in the Top 15 of every major offensive category including: At Bats (519- 6th), Hits (296- 6th), Doubles (111 – 5^th), Triples (24- 6^th), Home Runs (45- 10^th), RBI (159- 8^th), etc. Think about that for a second – there’s been approximately 300+ games played since Derek last appeared in a game and dude is still in the top 10 in every major offensive category. If he didn’t get caught up with the disc golf craze of ’98, Derek could have possibly shattered every major record of his generation. Destroyed opposing pitching with 590 Total Bases (6^th). Tied for the 2^nd most Cycles ever hit (9) with Hall of Famer Jay Oseredzuk. Only struck out 35 times in 519 At Bats or once every 14.83 At Bats, good for 4^th best All-Time! Derek’s dance style is something akin to a mad scientist experimenting with explosive elements. As a pitcher, Derek went 12-4 with a 5.97 ERA (this awesome number is good for 11^th best of all-time). He pitched 9 Complete Games along with a shutout. Overall Record is 23-15-0. Quite impressive. This is the 3^rd highest winning % among players behind Anthony Waskie (.833) and Mike Lubieski (.781). Made the last out in the first ever 4 on 4 Game. Although he hasn’t played in the new LWA, his accolades and accomplishments achieved during the early years of L-Town Wiffleball make him a great choice for the Hall of Fame. Has been known to lobby for votes with bribes of money, praise, and candy. Has 8 Great Plays and not a single individual from the LWA era has more. An Aces of the Year legend, Derek has traveled to the far reaches of Connecticut in search of fame. He currently resides in Houston, Texas and monitors the league’s activity through text message and general gossip. Although not officially retired, Derek has found a variety of excuses to keep him away from the oblong diamond including, being a 22 hour car ride away and living in Texas.

Plusses: Toured the country playing Wiffleball, fantastic resume, missed by 1 vote last year

Minuses: Hasn’t appeared in the LWA, wouldn’t let Andy pitch in a fateful tournament in 2001, unknown how his talents transcend to today’s game

Career Note: Was named to the All-Time LWA Legends 1^st Team for his accomplishments on the field. Enshrined in the Hall of Fame with the Bottlerockets in 2004.

Teams Played For: The Bottlerockets, Too Much of a Good Thing, Treene, Team Craig, Dirt Brothers, St. Mike’s Gold, Deuce, BottleroKKKets, Soiled Condoms, The Robins

LWA President Andy Waskie’s Comment: “Derek has without a doubt, formed one of the most impressive bodies of work in the history of Wiffleball. How he’s not in the Hall of Fame already is an outright crime.”

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Monday, September 14, 2009

1^st Member of the Wiffleball All-Time Team Announced

September 14, 2009: Langhorne Wiffleball Association Press Release 

The Langhorne Wiffleball Association is pleased to announce the first member of the All-Time Wiffleball Team as former Cy Young Award Winner and multiple time Fantasy Football Winner Phil Shipos of Morrisville, PA.  Phil won a Cy Young in 2007 when he went 8-1 with a 2.14 ERA striking out 64 hitters.

The All-Time Wiffleball Team is a team made up of future Hall of Famers, Award Winners, and Multiple Time All-Stars that will challenge the currently enshrined Hall of Famers to a 9 inning Exhibition this Saturday at the World Series of Wiffleball. Selection to the All-Time Wiffleball Team is made solely by the LWA and its governing body.

Phil Shipos has had a stellar career but has let other items distract him from playing in recent years including, rugby, trips to random cities to watch meaningless football games and mostly, an addiction to Oxycotin painkillers. Personal problems aside, Phil is a legend of the oblong diamond and is most deserving of a spot on the All-Time Wiffleball Team.

Every day this week leading up to the World Series of Wiffleball, a new player will be announced as having been added to the All-Time Wiffleball Team. There’s only 5 spots so many future stars will be disappointed. However, to ease their pain, a keg will be provided along with hot dogs smothered in mustard and the comedic stylings of Frank Morelli.

Come join us for the festivities on Saturday, September 19, 2009 beginning at 10:45 AM. The day will feature Wiffleball action of all types, a Home Run Derby, the aforementioned All-Time Wiffleball Team challenging the LWA Hall of Famers and more! The night concludes with the Induction Ceremony of the 2009 Hall of Fame Class.

For more information, contact me at: Awaskie@aol.com

Thursday, September 10, 2009

As the Summer season of beach trips, Sesame Place rides and suntans changes to the glory of Fall weather, Baseball playoffs and pumpkin carving - it's time to celebrate an individual whose accomplishments on the Wiffleball field have garnered him the ultimate honor. It's been almost a year since he obtained this honor, receiving the greatest total of votes in the history of the process, without an official ceremony. But all the while, he waited patiently for his day of recognition. This man is a true legend of the sport and finally... his day of recognition has arrived. On SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 19th, 2009... This Man will receive the greatest honor in our sport and see his image appear forever on a plaque made of photo paper and stuck to a garage wall with duct tape. This man is Gary Repko... the honor is the LWA Wiffleball Hall of Fame.

 

Gary's Wiffleball career began as a small boy in the Levittown section of Thornridge, a section populated mostly by Dominicans and aging coal miners. The Dominican spirit of "Esperanza," roughly translated to "spirit of competition," was instilled in Gary as a youngster as he witnessed dozens of amazing athletes come through the lush meadows of Thornridge. One of the games these athletes partook in was Wiffleball, still relatively new to America in general, but a game that has been played since the Vikings invaded Nova Scotia in the late 1200's. The Vikings invented the color yellow and were known to color everything they owned in this magnificent new hue... including Wiffleball bats and bananas which were originally blue in color. Gary picked up a bat at a young age and although he struggling for years, he grew to love the game the Spanish called "El Wiffle."  Years later, on a gorgeous May afternoon, Gary, along with Hall of Famers Andy Waskie and Mike Lubieski and should-be Hall of Famer Chris Schmitt, played the first official game of L-Town Wiffleball, creating the game's rules that still stand today. Although Gary lost this game when he allowed a Walk-Off Home Run to Waskie, his place in history was sealed.

 

So, come out and celebrate Gary Repko's induction into the LWA Hall of Fame as a member of it's 2009 Class. Joining Gary as inductees include:

 

Executive Wing - Craig McGovern

Legendary Team - The Tandem

Classic Team Name - Jesus and His Teammate